What Is Matrescence? The Hidden Transition into Motherhood
When Mamas finally bring their bundle of joy into the world, emotions can come in waves. There’s the joy of finally meeting the little bean you’ve spent months visualising. The awe. The disbelief. The quiet shock of realisation as you come to terms with the fact you did indeed bring life. And somehow you’re expected to return to the days of the mundane as if you didn’t just do something phenomenal.
Motherhood doesn't come with an instruction manual on how you’re supposed to move or feel. For some, love is instant. An all-consuming high that’s intoxicating. It kind of scares you, but it’s pure. For others, it arrives much more slowly, a creeping angst that has you questioning your every move and pace. For many, alongside the joy, something heavier latches on, an anchor of grief and guilt that’s way too slippery to catch and process. Or are you in the in-between: stretched and twisted, questioning when everything became so intense?
You have had a baby, but something has shifted inside you, too. Matrescence defines this new transformation you may find yourself in. And no, you’re not the only one.
Devised by the anthropologist Dana Raphael in the mid-1970s, Matrescence is the becoming of a mother. Reproductive psychologist and research professor Dr Aurélie Athan expands on this, describing it as a journey from before conception through postpartum, one that impacts your body, mind, relationships, and life in many ways.
“It’s much like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly,” Athan says. “It undergoes a ‘gooey’ period in which there’s a sense of a breakdown, just like in adolescence—and you might come out a completely different person.” Recognising that this process begins during pregnancy can give you a head start on what to expect.
You may be familiar with terms like “brain fog” or “mummy brain,” which highlight the ways motherhood requires extra mental bandwidth from the very beginning. In fact, studies show that 50–80% of pregnant women report experiencing memory problems.
When researchers actually test memory and thinking skills in new mothers, they find only small changes. Yet, women notice that their brains aren’t working the way they used to. Subtle changes can appear in:
Holding information in mind (working memory)
Attention
Executive function, such as planning, switching tasks, and inhibiting distractions
Free recall and tasks that require extra mental effort
What’s really happening is an increase in mental effort, not a true decline. So while it may feel like, “my brain is broken,” it’s more like, “my brain is working harder right now, while I get ready for this baby.” Your brain provides you with the tools to be more flexible with your caregiving. Your brain is adapting to support you, becoming more flexible in how you care for yourself. It is gently priming your attention and motivation towards your baby, preparing you for these new demands alongside the increased mental load. Matrescence is influenced by hormonal changes that drop dramatically, reaching levels comparable to those of menopause due to declines in estrogen and progesterone. Coming to terms with this is not linear, and that’s okay. Recognising these changes is the first important step. Seeking help from healthcare professionals or leaning on friends and family is pivotal during this delicate time.
Your body is going through significant physical changes, and postpartum recovery (whether vaginal or caesarean) is a lot to move through! Your body should be seen as a signal. Sensations such as fatigue, soreness and tension often indicate that the body and brain are adapting to a new system. According to the NHS, healing can take 6-8 weeks. However, as I expressed in my last article, allowing yourself an 18-24 month grace period is not extreme.
Your body could be recovering from uterine involution and pelvic floor restoration.
Your libido and sexual desire can shift drastically, influenced by hormonal changes, body recovery and the lack of sleep.
If breastfeeding, lactation requires increased calorie and hydration intake, which can contribute to tiredness. Breastfeeding is not always easy, and it can be quite stressful during this vulnerable time.
While you infuse yourself with the cascade of emotions such as joy, grief, pride and anxiety, coming to terms with the fact that you’re not the woman you once were is not a straightforward process. It can recur with every child you decide to have, allowing opportunities for growth as a mother. This messy middle often mirrors both your internal and external worlds.
You may be the first mum in the friend group.
You may notice that you need more emotional support from your partner rather than physical intimacy.
You may feel frustrated when family members push back against your new set of boundaries in your home.
You may feel more aligned with your work life than with your family life.
Or you’re exploring a different version of womanhood through mummy groups.
Naming the transition is a powerful place to begin.
Simply recognising that this is Matrescence can soften the intensity of what you’re feeling.
Matrescence is deeply personal, yet so many women go through the same transition. Naming it for what it offers women, an opportunity to see that they are not alone. Feeling like an alien in this season is not unusual; it’s a natural response to the overwhelm of matrescence. You are processing a quiet loss of self while simultaneously being asked to meet a new version of yourself. This is not something you can resolve or make sense of overnight. It takes time to integrate the “before” and the “after.”
Naming the transition is a powerful place to begin. Simply recognising that this is Matrescence can soften the intensity of what you’re feeling.
From there, gentle internal reflection can help you stay connected to yourself. Journaling can be a starting point. Asking questions like, “What’s happening to me?” or “Why do I feel this way?” Not to fix anything, but to witness yourself in real time and validate your experience. Naming it doesn’t make it disappear. It doesn’t fast-track you to feeling like your old self again. But it does create space to sit with who you are becoming.
Alongside this, returning to a bare minimum of non-negotiables can help anchor you throughout the day:
Have you eaten today? Could you have something warm, or even a simple snack?
Have you had water recently? Can you take a few sips now?
Have you had a moment to sit or rest? Is there an opportunity for a nap later?
Is there someone who can hold or soothe the baby, even briefly, so you can pause?
These are not small things. In a time where everything feels like it’s shifting, meeting your most basic needs is a powerful way to begin finding your ground again.
Coping during moments when things feel a little heavier isn’t always easy, but having access to grounding techniques can be a helpful support. The 5-4-3-2-1 method — spotting five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste – helps shift your focus from racing thoughts back to the present moment. Nourishing your body with warm foods, such as stews and soups, can also be supportive, helping to regulate your body and bring a sense of steadiness during this time. Practising boundaries and limiting visitations while you’re finding your footing is not something you should feel shame around, especially if you need to preserve your energy as much as possible. But knowing when to reach for that phone book and connect with your village is just as important; isolating yourself for too long can leave space for unhelpful inner thoughts to take hold and distort your reality. Once contact has been made, don’t hesitate to delegate! If there’s a partner in the home, are they able to take charge of cooking or cleaning? Can a friend come over and help with household tasks? Reach out to those in your circle and let them know you need support.
Everything has its season. This level of evolution is asking things of you that you may have never experienced before, but it is something you can move through. Holding out a compassionate hand to your vulnerabilities matters here. Yes, you may lose the version of yourself you were yesterday, but this new chapter is an opportunity to meet who you are becoming: someone who can nurture, hold, and love deeply. In time, you will begin to shape what this version of motherhood looks like for you. You get to define this new version of womanhood you’re growing into. You don’t have to do this perfectly. You just have to stay with yourself through it. You’re already doing amazing.