What Is Matrescence? The Hidden Transition into Motherhood
When Mamas finally bring their bundle of joy into the world, emotions can come in waves. There’s the joy of finally meeting the little bean you’ve spent months visualising. The awe. The disbelief. The quiet shock of realisation as you come to terms with the fact you did indeed bring life. And somehow you’re expected to return to the days of the mundane as if you didn’t just do something phenomenal.
Motherhood doesn't come with an instruction manual on how you’re supposed to move or feel. For some, love is instant. An all-consuming high that’s intoxicating. It kind of scares you, but it’s pure. For others, it arrives much more slowly, a creeping angst that has you questioning your every move and pace. For many, alongside the joy, something heavier latches on, an anchor of grief and guilt that’s way too slippery to catch and process. Or are you in the in-between: stretched and twisted, questioning when everything became so intense?
You have had a baby, but something has shifted inside you, too. Matrescence defines this new transformation you may find yourself in. And no, you’re not the only one.
Devised by the anthropologist Dana Raphael in the mid-1970s, Matrescence is the becoming of a mother. Reproductive psychologist and research professor Dr Aurélie Athan expands on this, describing it as a journey from before conception through postpartum, one that impacts your body, mind, relationships, and life in many ways.
“It’s much like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly,” Athan says. “It undergoes a ‘gooey’ period in which there’s a sense of a breakdown, just like in adolescence—and you might come out a completely different person.” Recognising that this process begins during pregnancy can give you a head start on what to expect.
You may be familiar with terms like “brain fog” or “mummy brain,” which highlight the ways motherhood requires extra mental bandwidth from the very beginning. In fact, studies show that 50–80% of pregnant women report experiencing memory problems.
When researchers actually test memory and thinking skills in new mothers, they find only small changes. Yet, women notice that their brains aren’t working the way they used to. Subtle changes can appear in:
Holding information in mind (working memory)
Attention
Executive function, such as planning, switching tasks, and inhibiting distractions
Free recall and tasks that require extra mental effort
What’s really happening is an increase in mental effort, not a true decline. So while it may feel like, “my brain is broken,” it’s more like, “my brain is working harder right now, while I get ready for this baby.” Your brain provides you with the tools to be more flexible with your caregiving. Your brain is adapting to support you, becoming more flexible in how you care for yourself. It is gently priming your attention and motivation towards your baby, preparing you for these new demands alongside the increased mental load. Matrescence is influenced by hormonal changes that drop dramatically, reaching levels comparable to those of menopause due to declines in estrogen and progesterone. Coming to terms with this is not linear, and that’s okay. Recognising these changes is the first important step. Seeking help from healthcare professionals or leaning on friends and family is pivotal during this delicate time.
Your body is going through significant physical changes, and postpartum recovery (whether vaginal or caesarean) is a lot to move through! Your body should be seen as a signal. Sensations such as fatigue, soreness and tension often indicate that the body and brain are adapting to a new system. According to the NHS, healing can take 6-8 weeks. However, as I expressed in my last article, allowing yourself an 18-24 month grace period is not extreme.
Your body could be recovering from uterine involution and pelvic floor restoration.
Your libido and sexual desire can shift drastically, influenced by hormonal changes, body recovery and the lack of sleep.
If breastfeeding, lactation requires increased calorie and hydration intake, which can contribute to tiredness. Breastfeeding is not always easy, and it can be quite stressful during this vulnerable time.
While you infuse yourself with the cascade of emotions such as joy, grief, pride and anxiety, coming to terms with the fact that you’re not the woman you once were is not a straightforward process. It can recur with every child you decide to have, allowing opportunities for growth as a mother. This messy middle often mirrors both your internal and external worlds.
You may be the first mum in the friend group.
You may notice that you need more emotional support from your partner rather than physical intimacy.
You may feel frustrated when family members push back against your new set of boundaries in your home.
You may feel more aligned with your work life than with your family life.
Or you’re exploring a different version of womanhood through mummy groups.
Naming the transition is a powerful place to begin.
Simply recognising that this is Matrescence can soften the intensity of what you’re feeling.
Matrescence is deeply personal, yet so many women go through the same transition. Naming it for what it offers women, an opportunity to see that they are not alone. Feeling like an alien in this season is not unusual; it’s a natural response to the overwhelm of matrescence. You are processing a quiet loss of self while simultaneously being asked to meet a new version of yourself. This is not something you can resolve or make sense of overnight. It takes time to integrate the “before” and the “after.”
Naming the transition is a powerful place to begin. Simply recognising that this is Matrescence can soften the intensity of what you’re feeling.
From there, gentle internal reflection can help you stay connected to yourself. Journaling can be a starting point. Asking questions like, “What’s happening to me?” or “Why do I feel this way?” Not to fix anything, but to witness yourself in real time and validate your experience. Naming it doesn’t make it disappear. It doesn’t fast-track you to feeling like your old self again. But it does create space to sit with who you are becoming.
Alongside this, returning to a bare minimum of non-negotiables can help anchor you throughout the day:
Have you eaten today? Could you have something warm, or even a simple snack?
Have you had water recently? Can you take a few sips now?
Have you had a moment to sit or rest? Is there an opportunity for a nap later?
Is there someone who can hold or soothe the baby, even briefly, so you can pause?
These are not small things. In a time where everything feels like it’s shifting, meeting your most basic needs is a powerful way to begin finding your ground again.
Coping during moments when things feel a little heavier isn’t always easy, but having access to grounding techniques can be a helpful support. The 5-4-3-2-1 method — spotting five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste – helps shift your focus from racing thoughts back to the present moment. Nourishing your body with warm foods, such as stews and soups, can also be supportive, helping to regulate your body and bring a sense of steadiness during this time. Practising boundaries and limiting visitations while you’re finding your footing is not something you should feel shame around, especially if you need to preserve your energy as much as possible. But knowing when to reach for that phone book and connect with your village is just as important; isolating yourself for too long can leave space for unhelpful inner thoughts to take hold and distort your reality. Once contact has been made, don’t hesitate to delegate! If there’s a partner in the home, are they able to take charge of cooking or cleaning? Can a friend come over and help with household tasks? Reach out to those in your circle and let them know you need support.
Everything has its season. This level of evolution is asking things of you that you may have never experienced before, but it is something you can move through. Holding out a compassionate hand to your vulnerabilities matters here. Yes, you may lose the version of yourself you were yesterday, but this new chapter is an opportunity to meet who you are becoming: someone who can nurture, hold, and love deeply. In time, you will begin to shape what this version of motherhood looks like for you. You get to define this new version of womanhood you’re growing into. You don’t have to do this perfectly. You just have to stay with yourself through it. You’re already doing amazing.
Postpartum in a Culture That Won’t Let Women Rest
Over and over again, the everyday woman is presented with real-life examples that tell her she needs to do more. To get “back to her old self”.
What we should actually be paying attention to during this Golden Hour is learning from your little human, pacing yourself, and meeting yourself with the necessary compassion and care you deserve.
Why is it that when a woman blesses the world with a child, the focus is on her “snapback” rather than her recovery? The so-called snapback period has become something online spectators actively anticipate after a high-profile celebrity gives birth, from Ciara and Teyana Taylor to Margot Robbie, Cardi B and Beyoncé. Every day, the everyday woman is bombarded with images that centre on how she is perceived, even during the most vulnerable transition a woman can ever encounter. This obsession with “snapping back”, or what some would refer to as “bounce back” culture, doesn’t stay in the Hollywood realms or the online sphere for long. Beyond celebrity culture, these expectations spill into the everyday, where women are shown ways they could do more. To get “back to her old self”. “Bounce Back” culture can be harmful, especially when unnecessary expectations are put on a new mum to lose weight as quickly as possible. As someone who witnesses women in all the glory and rawness of early motherhood, I’ve seen how damaging these expectations can be. What we should actually be paying attention to during this Golden Hour is learning from your little human, pacing yourself, and meeting yourself with the necessary compassion and care you deserve.
“Bounce Back” can be interpreted in numerous ways, but the agreed-upon definition can leave a bitter taste on the tongue. It’s the idea of “looking like nothing happened”, as quickly as possible. This notion that pregnancy was just a blip, leading Western societies to cement the expectation that you must re-enter “normal life” once your 6-week period of recovery is up. It’s understandable if you feel drawn to change your physical appearance, so your focus may be on weight loss and intense exercise, such as running. However, it’s easy to underestimate just how much physical labour your body has endured.
Symptoms to consider that could make ‘bouncing back’ harder:
Diastasis recti: This is where your abdominal muscles separate to make room for the growing belly, and the muscles haven’t merged back together. This can lead to your stomach bulging, cause pain, constipation, and urine leaks. In some cases, lifting and long walks may need to be limited.
Weakened Pelvic Floor Muscles: Pregnancy, childbirth (vaginally or caesarean), puts an enormous amount of pressure on the pelvic floor. In fact, 60% of women in the UK have been reported to have at least one symptom of poor pelvic floor health after giving birth.
Structural changes of the Pelvis: Relaxin is a hormone which causes joints and ligaments to “loosen” for months, so the baby has more room when it’s time to make their grand entrance. This can lead to additional injuries during exercise or stretching.
For My Caesarean Mamas: You had major abdominal surgery. It’s expected for the incision site to be painful, and internal tissues will need time to heal. Recovery for you can range from 6 weeks to 6 months, and your support system can significantly influence how long it takes.
Vaginal Tearing/Episiotomy: Up to 83% of first-time Mamas experience some degree of tearing, which requires a significant healing time. Discomfort while sitting or walking is expected.
This is happening while your body produces hormones that encourage it to hold onto the fat it stores (tight grip), and the nutrients from your meals are prioritised for your baby. The same is done during breastfeeding, a hunger-driven job. On average, women produce between 750 mL and 800 mL of breast milk per day. Recovery does not come with a certified timeframe. It is demanding. All that milk-making needs energy, which we get from calories, meaning you may need an extra 300-600 calories a day.
In today's society, some of us are in situations where we must work, carry out domestic labour after a full day of work, provide childcare, and tend to our partners. So when the time comes to bring life into the world, it’s not unreasonable for you to feel you deserve to be treated as the centre of your universe. But that care must come from those who are able and willing to show up. This is where it’s time for your village to come and shine. From your mother to friends, neighbours, and community services, your village can take many forms.
As a Congolese-British doula, postpartum care is a familial process, where the women of the family provide support and nourishment. You can expect your mother to stay with you for a few weeks or longer, cook meals for the family, and support your recovery with traditional remedies, meals, and teas. Similar patterns can be seen in other African and Asian cultures. In recent years, Japanese postpartum confinement has gained popularity, during which women are cared for by their parents or can even be checked into a hotel. This is a time when we find community, not to compare ourselves, but to be held. To speak openly about mental health fears. To be able to see firsthand how you’re not alone.
A video I uploaded over at TikTok, defining Matrescence.
Yet in the UK, such support can seem like a fantasy to some. With underfunding of the postnatal system, a lot of mothers are not being eased into their roles of motherhood. In a survey of 2000 parents, 24% reported being unable to access NHS staff weeks after giving birth, leaving parents to feel anxious during those first few days of their baby’s life. The National Childbirth Trust reported 87% felt overwhelmed, noting significant gaps in emotional and social support. This containment can make it harder for mothers to accept or understand physical changes, integrating their old and new selves, and to recognise the identity shift – Matrescence. One in three new and expectant mothers in England experiences a perinatal mental health problem. Black mothers are more likely to be hospitalised for perinatal mental illness. Transitioning into this journey is much heavier when pressure is applied, especially with a system that struggles to keep you upright.
Would I go as far as to call this body-shaming? I’m not sure, but I’m open to us beginning the dialogue. Beauty trends are constantly shifting, and with the resurgence of thinness, I can’t help but look at this through a harmful lens. I will acknowledge that some women like to get back to their pre-birth weight to feel more like themselves. In contrast, “dad bods” are celebrated and rarely met with the unsolicited commentary of how he “let himself go”. Such messaging continues to suggest that a woman’s worth is tied to how she physically shows up in the world and how she serves it. With tactics being explored, such as “hand-expressing to the max” to influence post-natal weight loss, it leaves a concerning undertone that reflects how extreme bounce-back culture can quietly become. But of course, it doesn’t need to be ingrained with shame.
How to reduce shame while developing a healthy relationship with your body:
Work with a realistic timeframe. For some women, healing “fully” could take between 18 - 24 months. Your nervous system and physical body are adjusting to a major transition.
Be open to avoiding scales during the first few weeks and refrain from restricting calories so quickly. Entering a drastic diet so early on, if breastfeeding, could impact your milk supply.
Recognise that you may be in your Matrescence: that identity shift can come as a shock, especially when confronted with physical changes. In the chaos, remember to find moments of ease.
Remember that this is a vulnerable time. Yes, giving all your love and devotion to your bundle of joy is expected, but you’re allowed to pace yourself. Especially when overwhelmed.
Physical activity is a great way of expressing well-being. For some, exercise is an outlet we turn to, especially to improve our mental health. Gentle, low-impact movements such as walking, yoga, kegels, and diaphragmatic (deep belly) breathing are good starting points.
When it comes to postpartum healing, there is no one-size-fits-all timeline. Our bodies come in many shapes, so they process and recover differently. Comparing your journey to others isn’t helpful, especially now. Shaming yourself is not how you want to begin your journey into motherhood. You deserve so much more than that. You brought life into this world. Please don’t punish the body that carried you through it. Allow this next chapter to unfold at your pace, where you measure progress not by stones lost, but by strength regained, and your nervous system regulated as you build connection.
Breathing In Your Birthing Room
When entering the birthing room, the most fundamental tool that you can use to be your anchor is your breath. It’s the very thing that’s carried us from the moment we emerged Earthside.
When entering the birthing room, the most fundamental tool that you can use to be your anchor is your breath. It’s the very thing that’s carried us from the moment we emerged Earthside. But as a doula, I have found that some mamas’ minds can be overwhelmed by society’s and media’s perception of what birth looks like, negative birth stories, such as traumatic experiences or complications or simply just being anxious about what their own experience will entail. These influences can overwhelm us and alter our breathing patterns without noticing. Like many things, there are ways in which we can become familiar with intentional breathing techniques you can try in the birthing room. This will consist of a brilliant foundation to help you remain relaxed while managing the powerful sensations during your contractions. Controlled, deep, full breaths allow you to stay focused as you get closer to meeting your new bundle of joy.
A MWASI | MAMA AFFIRMATION:
Every breath brings me closer to my baby taking their first one.
How Does The Breath Benefit Us In The Birthing Room?
The breath itself, especially when done deeply, can help us remain relaxed, lower our heart rate and blood pressure, and ensure that the right amount of oxygen flows to the critical muscles working to bring this miracle to fruition. Your uterus or womb is a strong muscle that helps push your baby down the birth canal. This is often done in a rhythmic, wavelike motion, hence why it’s effective when breathing correctly alongside this. You will know how to sync your breaths to surges (contractions), making the quality of oxygen imperative during this time. This is because our wombs need an influx of oxygen to contract effectively as it pushes our baby out. Breathing short, shallow and panicked breaths can result in a less efficient oxygen supply, which could lead to your womb working much harder than it needs to. According to a 2015 study, Schubert discovered that the lack of oxygen can result in powerful contractions. This can lead to Mamas feeling more painful sensations, anxious breathing, and the body not being relaxed enough to produce helpful hormones such as oxytocin and endorphins, which are natural pain relievers and help with the progression of labour.
Mama is breathing through her surges as she labours at home.
So, what breathing techniques can we use in the birthing room?
Here are three different breathing techniques you can try, depending on your phase of labour.
UP BREATHING
This technique consists of a deep inhale through the nose, a pause, and an exhale through the mouth. The exhale is usually done slowly. It is particularly excellent for those with anxiety.
🌬️ Step-by-Step Guide
1. Soften Your Face and Shoulders
Gently relax your jaw, shoulders, and forehead. Let your eyelids lower or close completely.
2. Deep Inhale Through the Nose (4–5 counts)
• Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose.
• Feel the breath rise—expanding through your belly, ribs, and chest.
3. Pause at the Top (1–2 seconds)
Hold the breath gently.
Notice the fullness, like a moment of calm stillness at the top of a wave.
4. Slow Exhale Through the Mouth (6–7 counts)
Release the breath slowly through your open mouth.
Make a soft sound like a sigh or whisper “haaa…”
Feel tension leaving your body with the exhale.
5. Repeat the Cycle
Inhale deeply (up the body),
Pause briefly,
Exhale slowly (releasing down and out).
OPEN BREATHING
This is a technique in which the mouth is opened to relax the jaw. Remember, when the jaw is relaxed, the uterus relaxes, which can help you manage the powerful surges. You will inhale through the nose and exhale through an open mouth. This allows the body to remain calm and reduce tension during surges.
🌬️ Step-by-Step Guide
1. Relax Your Jaw and Mouth
Let your jaw hang slightly, lips soft and parted. Imagine your mouth is heavy and lazy, like you’re sighing. This relaxation is key—a soft jaw supports a soft uterus.
2. Inhale Through the Nose (4 counts)
Gently breathe in through your nose.
Feel your belly expand like a balloon.
Keep your shoulders down and relaxed.
3. Exhale Through an Open Mouth (6 counts)
Let the air flow out naturally, like a long sigh or soft “haaaa” sound.
Keep your jaw slack, lips open.
Release any tension with the exhale.
4. Repeat the Cycle
Continue this 4-in / 6-out pattern for several breaths.
With each exhale, imagine tension melting away from your body.
If you’re in labor, picture the breath flowing down and out, supporting the release and opening.
DOWN BREATHING
This technique is excellent when paired with some visualisation. You will breathe in slowly, and then breathe out slowly. We want breathing down to be like breathing downwards to the pelvis.
🌬️ Step-by-Step Guide
1. Close Your Eyes and Bring Awareness to Your Body
Focus on your pelvis, womb, or lower belly. Imagine this area as open, soft, and receptive.
2. Inhale Slowly (4–5 counts)
Breathe in gently through your nose, expanding your belly and ribcage.
Feel the breath traveling down, like a warm wave reaching your pelvis.
3. Exhale Slowly (6–7 counts)
Breathe out through your nose or mouth, whatever feels most natural.
As you exhale, imagine the breath flowing down and out—like it’s gently washing downward toward the earth or through your pelvis.
4. Repeat the Cycle
Stay soft and slow.
With each breath, visualise the downward movement:
🌊 Like water flowing down a stream
🌾 Or a leaf floating down in autumn
🌙 Or light descending through your body
What’s great about all these techniques is that you can pick the one that aligns better with you. Have a go at each one and see what you believe you’ll do in the birthing room.
HOW CAN YOUR BIRTH PARTNER SUPPORT YOU AT THIS TIME?
When breathing in the birthing room, we don’t expect you always to keep track. This is where your birth partner or midwife can step in and provide you with whatever support you need. This can look like:
Being the counter, as you inhale for four and exhale for six.
Chant and repeat affirmations you have used throughout your pregnancy or prepared for birth.
Being your anchor as they encourage you to stay focused on your breath.
Play any visualisation meditations that you could pair with the breathing technique of your choice.
Now, Mama, I want you to know that everything we have discussed in this article is to help you manage your powerful sensations, not necessarily remove them entirely. This is an opportunity to stay relaxed, produce those essential hormones, and reduce the chances of hyperventilating. This can lead to you feeling fearful, which could then result in medical interventions being involved. During this incredible act of bringing life, remember that both you and your baby need oxygen while you’re working together. Your breath allows this dance to flow and take its natural course. Holding your breath can lead to stagnation, and we do not want that.
The Breath And Pain Relief
What is great about the breath? You can pair it up with whatever pain relief you like!
The TENS Machine
What is perfect about this relief choice is that you can adjust the intensity to your preference. While using the TENS machine, you can perform the deep breathing exercise that works for you.
Gas and Air
This is a mixture of gases (oxygen and nitrous oxide) that you inhale while you’re having a surge. It is a perfect combination to implement while paired with a breathing technique, as it will intensify the management of the powerful sensations, helping you feel relaxed and in control.
Familiarising yourself with these different techniques allows you to become comfortable with the method that works best for you. You know your body, so let that decide what will be used in the birthing room. Oxygen is your friend. It will help you relax and allow your womb to perform a powerful act. Your breath has gotten you here. Let it be the very thing that assists you in finally meeting your baby.
