Postpartum in a Culture That Won’t Let Women Rest
Over and over again, the everyday woman is presented with real-life examples that tell her she needs to do more. To get “back to her old self”.
What we should actually be paying attention to during this Golden Hour is learning from your little human, pacing yourself, and meeting yourself with the necessary compassion and care you deserve.
Why is it that when a woman blesses the world with a child, the focus is on her “snapback” rather than her recovery? The so-called snapback period has become something online spectators actively anticipate after a high-profile celebrity gives birth, from Ciara and Teyana Taylor to Margot Robbie, Cardi B and Beyoncé. Every day, the everyday woman is bombarded with images that centre on how she is perceived, even during the most vulnerable transition a woman can ever encounter. This obsession with “snapping back”, or what some would refer to as “bounce back” culture, doesn’t stay in the Hollywood realms or the online sphere for long. Beyond celebrity culture, these expectations spill into the everyday, where women are shown ways they could do more. To get “back to her old self”. “Bounce Back” culture can be harmful, especially when unnecessary expectations are put on a new mum to lose weight as quickly as possible. As someone who witnesses women in all the glory and rawness of early motherhood, I’ve seen how damaging these expectations can be. What we should actually be paying attention to during this Golden Hour is learning from your little human, pacing yourself, and meeting yourself with the necessary compassion and care you deserve.
“Bounce Back” can be interpreted in numerous ways, but the agreed-upon definition can leave a bitter taste on the tongue. It’s the idea of “looking like nothing happened”, as quickly as possible. This notion that pregnancy was just a blip, leading Western societies to cement the expectation that you must re-enter “normal life” once your 6-week period of recovery is up. It’s understandable if you feel drawn to change your physical appearance, so your focus may be on weight loss and intense exercise, such as running. However, it’s easy to underestimate just how much physical labour your body has endured.
Symptoms to consider that could make ‘bouncing back’ harder:
Diastasis recti: This is where your abdominal muscles separate to make room for the growing belly, and the muscles haven’t merged back together. This can lead to your stomach bulging, cause pain, constipation, and urine leaks. In some cases, lifting and long walks may need to be limited.
Weakened Pelvic Floor Muscles: Pregnancy, childbirth (vaginally or caesarean), puts an enormous amount of pressure on the pelvic floor. In fact, 60% of women in the UK have been reported to have at least one symptom of poor pelvic floor health after giving birth.
Structural changes of the Pelvis: Relaxin is a hormone which causes joints and ligaments to “loosen” for months, so the baby has more room when it’s time to make their grand entrance. This can lead to additional injuries during exercise or stretching.
For My Caesarean Mamas: You had major abdominal surgery. It’s expected for the incision site to be painful, and internal tissues will need time to heal. Recovery for you can range from 6 weeks to 6 months, and your support system can significantly influence how long it takes.
Vaginal Tearing/Episiotomy: Up to 83% of first-time Mamas experience some degree of tearing, which requires a significant healing time. Discomfort while sitting or walking is expected.
This is happening while your body produces hormones that encourage it to hold onto the fat it stores (tight grip), and the nutrients from your meals are prioritised for your baby. The same is done during breastfeeding, a hunger-driven job. On average, women produce between 750 mL and 800 mL of breast milk per day. Recovery does not come with a certified timeframe. It is demanding. All that milk-making needs energy, which we get from calories, meaning you may need an extra 300-600 calories a day.
In today's society, some of us are in situations where we must work, carry out domestic labour after a full day of work, provide childcare, and tend to our partners. So when the time comes to bring life into the world, it’s not unreasonable for you to feel you deserve to be treated as the centre of your universe. But that care must come from those who are able and willing to show up. This is where it’s time for your village to come and shine. From your mother to friends, neighbours, and community services, your village can take many forms.
As a Congolese-British doula, postpartum care is a familial process, where the women of the family provide support and nourishment. You can expect your mother to stay with you for a few weeks or longer, cook meals for the family, and support your recovery with traditional remedies, meals, and teas. Similar patterns can be seen in other African and Asian cultures. In recent years, Japanese postpartum confinement has gained popularity, during which women are cared for by their parents or can even be checked into a hotel. This is a time when we find community, not to compare ourselves, but to be held. To speak openly about mental health fears. To be able to see firsthand how you’re not alone.
A video I uploaded over at TikTok, defining Matrescence.
Yet in the UK, such support can seem like a fantasy to some. With underfunding of the postnatal system, a lot of mothers are not being eased into their roles of motherhood. In a survey of 2000 parents, 24% reported being unable to access NHS staff weeks after giving birth, leaving parents to feel anxious during those first few days of their baby’s life. The National Childbirth Trust reported 87% felt overwhelmed, noting significant gaps in emotional and social support. This containment can make it harder for mothers to accept or understand physical changes, integrating their old and new selves, and to recognise the identity shift – Matrescence. One in three new and expectant mothers in England experiences a perinatal mental health problem. Black mothers are more likely to be hospitalised for perinatal mental illness. Transitioning into this journey is much heavier when pressure is applied, especially with a system that struggles to keep you upright.
Would I go as far as to call this body-shaming? I’m not sure, but I’m open to us beginning the dialogue. Beauty trends are constantly shifting, and with the resurgence of thinness, I can’t help but look at this through a harmful lens. I will acknowledge that some women like to get back to their pre-birth weight to feel more like themselves. In contrast, “dad bods” are celebrated and rarely met with the unsolicited commentary of how he “let himself go”. Such messaging continues to suggest that a woman’s worth is tied to how she physically shows up in the world and how she serves it. With tactics being explored, such as “hand-expressing to the max” to influence post-natal weight loss, it leaves a concerning undertone that reflects how extreme bounce-back culture can quietly become. But of course, it doesn’t need to be ingrained with shame.
How to reduce shame while developing a healthy relationship with your body:
Work with a realistic timeframe. For some women, healing “fully” could take between 18 - 24 months. Your nervous system and physical body are adjusting to a major transition.
Be open to avoiding scales during the first few weeks and refrain from restricting calories so quickly. Entering a drastic diet so early on, if breastfeeding, could impact your milk supply.
Recognise that you may be in your Matrescence: that identity shift can come as a shock, especially when confronted with physical changes. In the chaos, remember to find moments of ease.
Remember that this is a vulnerable time. Yes, giving all your love and devotion to your bundle of joy is expected, but you’re allowed to pace yourself. Especially when overwhelmed.
Physical activity is a great way of expressing well-being. For some, exercise is an outlet we turn to, especially to improve our mental health. Gentle, low-impact movements such as walking, yoga, kegels, and diaphragmatic (deep belly) breathing are good starting points.
When it comes to postpartum healing, there is no one-size-fits-all timeline. Our bodies come in many shapes, so they process and recover differently. Comparing your journey to others isn’t helpful, especially now. Shaming yourself is not how you want to begin your journey into motherhood. You deserve so much more than that. You brought life into this world. Please don’t punish the body that carried you through it. Allow this next chapter to unfold at your pace, where you measure progress not by stones lost, but by strength regained, and your nervous system regulated as you build connection.
Breathing In Your Birthing Room
When entering the birthing room, the most fundamental tool that you can use to be your anchor is your breath. It’s the very thing that’s carried us from the moment we emerged Earthside.
When entering the birthing room, the most fundamental tool that you can use to be your anchor is your breath. It’s the very thing that’s carried us from the moment we emerged Earthside. But as a doula, I have found that some mamas’ minds can be overwhelmed by society’s and media’s perception of what birth looks like, negative birth stories, such as traumatic experiences or complications or simply just being anxious about what their own experience will entail. These influences can overwhelm us and alter our breathing patterns without noticing. Like many things, there are ways in which we can become familiar with intentional breathing techniques you can try in the birthing room. This will consist of a brilliant foundation to help you remain relaxed while managing the powerful sensations during your contractions. Controlled, deep, full breaths allow you to stay focused as you get closer to meeting your new bundle of joy.
A MWASI | MAMA AFFIRMATION:
Every breath brings me closer to my baby taking their first one.
How Does The Breath Benefit Us In The Birthing Room?
The breath itself, especially when done deeply, can help us remain relaxed, lower our heart rate and blood pressure, and ensure that the right amount of oxygen flows to the critical muscles working to bring this miracle to fruition. Your uterus or womb is a strong muscle that helps push your baby down the birth canal. This is often done in a rhythmic, wavelike motion, hence why it’s effective when breathing correctly alongside this. You will know how to sync your breaths to surges (contractions), making the quality of oxygen imperative during this time. This is because our wombs need an influx of oxygen to contract effectively as it pushes our baby out. Breathing short, shallow and panicked breaths can result in a less efficient oxygen supply, which could lead to your womb working much harder than it needs to. According to a 2015 study, Schubert discovered that the lack of oxygen can result in powerful contractions. This can lead to Mamas feeling more painful sensations, anxious breathing, and the body not being relaxed enough to produce helpful hormones such as oxytocin and endorphins, which are natural pain relievers and help with the progression of labour.
Mama is breathing through her surges as she labours at home.
So, what breathing techniques can we use in the birthing room?
Here are three different breathing techniques you can try, depending on your phase of labour.
UP BREATHING
This technique consists of a deep inhale through the nose, a pause, and an exhale through the mouth. The exhale is usually done slowly. It is particularly excellent for those with anxiety.
🌬️ Step-by-Step Guide
1. Soften Your Face and Shoulders
Gently relax your jaw, shoulders, and forehead. Let your eyelids lower or close completely.
2. Deep Inhale Through the Nose (4–5 counts)
• Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose.
• Feel the breath rise—expanding through your belly, ribs, and chest.
3. Pause at the Top (1–2 seconds)
Hold the breath gently.
Notice the fullness, like a moment of calm stillness at the top of a wave.
4. Slow Exhale Through the Mouth (6–7 counts)
Release the breath slowly through your open mouth.
Make a soft sound like a sigh or whisper “haaa…”
Feel tension leaving your body with the exhale.
5. Repeat the Cycle
Inhale deeply (up the body),
Pause briefly,
Exhale slowly (releasing down and out).
OPEN BREATHING
This is a technique in which the mouth is opened to relax the jaw. Remember, when the jaw is relaxed, the uterus relaxes, which can help you manage the powerful surges. You will inhale through the nose and exhale through an open mouth. This allows the body to remain calm and reduce tension during surges.
🌬️ Step-by-Step Guide
1. Relax Your Jaw and Mouth
Let your jaw hang slightly, lips soft and parted. Imagine your mouth is heavy and lazy, like you’re sighing. This relaxation is key—a soft jaw supports a soft uterus.
2. Inhale Through the Nose (4 counts)
Gently breathe in through your nose.
Feel your belly expand like a balloon.
Keep your shoulders down and relaxed.
3. Exhale Through an Open Mouth (6 counts)
Let the air flow out naturally, like a long sigh or soft “haaaa” sound.
Keep your jaw slack, lips open.
Release any tension with the exhale.
4. Repeat the Cycle
Continue this 4-in / 6-out pattern for several breaths.
With each exhale, imagine tension melting away from your body.
If you’re in labor, picture the breath flowing down and out, supporting the release and opening.
DOWN BREATHING
This technique is excellent when paired with some visualisation. You will breathe in slowly, and then breathe out slowly. We want breathing down to be like breathing downwards to the pelvis.
🌬️ Step-by-Step Guide
1. Close Your Eyes and Bring Awareness to Your Body
Focus on your pelvis, womb, or lower belly. Imagine this area as open, soft, and receptive.
2. Inhale Slowly (4–5 counts)
Breathe in gently through your nose, expanding your belly and ribcage.
Feel the breath traveling down, like a warm wave reaching your pelvis.
3. Exhale Slowly (6–7 counts)
Breathe out through your nose or mouth, whatever feels most natural.
As you exhale, imagine the breath flowing down and out—like it’s gently washing downward toward the earth or through your pelvis.
4. Repeat the Cycle
Stay soft and slow.
With each breath, visualise the downward movement:
🌊 Like water flowing down a stream
🌾 Or a leaf floating down in autumn
🌙 Or light descending through your body
What’s great about all these techniques is that you can pick the one that aligns better with you. Have a go at each one and see what you believe you’ll do in the birthing room.
HOW CAN YOUR BIRTH PARTNER SUPPORT YOU AT THIS TIME?
When breathing in the birthing room, we don’t expect you always to keep track. This is where your birth partner or midwife can step in and provide you with whatever support you need. This can look like:
Being the counter, as you inhale for four and exhale for six.
Chant and repeat affirmations you have used throughout your pregnancy or prepared for birth.
Being your anchor as they encourage you to stay focused on your breath.
Play any visualisation meditations that you could pair with the breathing technique of your choice.
Now, Mama, I want you to know that everything we have discussed in this article is to help you manage your powerful sensations, not necessarily remove them entirely. This is an opportunity to stay relaxed, produce those essential hormones, and reduce the chances of hyperventilating. This can lead to you feeling fearful, which could then result in medical interventions being involved. During this incredible act of bringing life, remember that both you and your baby need oxygen while you’re working together. Your breath allows this dance to flow and take its natural course. Holding your breath can lead to stagnation, and we do not want that.
The Breath And Pain Relief
What is great about the breath? You can pair it up with whatever pain relief you like!
The TENS Machine
What is perfect about this relief choice is that you can adjust the intensity to your preference. While using the TENS machine, you can perform the deep breathing exercise that works for you.
Gas and Air
This is a mixture of gases (oxygen and nitrous oxide) that you inhale while you’re having a surge. It is a perfect combination to implement while paired with a breathing technique, as it will intensify the management of the powerful sensations, helping you feel relaxed and in control.
Familiarising yourself with these different techniques allows you to become comfortable with the method that works best for you. You know your body, so let that decide what will be used in the birthing room. Oxygen is your friend. It will help you relax and allow your womb to perform a powerful act. Your breath has gotten you here. Let it be the very thing that assists you in finally meeting your baby.
